Descent

Descent – Haunted, Choked, Strangled, Shattered

Much has happened in me in the month since I last posted. Honestly, I didn’t expect I’d continue the blog, much less share this. Yet here I am.

I created the photo series above a couple weeks ago, during a time of intense depression and anxiety. It depicts my progression…descent…into grief since I started counseling in January.

I don’t have any answers, no resolution to these feelings yet…the process continues. But today is a better day; the anxiety has left and the pain is less intense. I’m grateful for the reprieve and for the art that speaks when I don’t have words.

Grace,
brenda

Celebrating My Art

Bunting Vignette for Be Still – 52

 

(A shout out to Karen at Katie Claire’s Cottage for the tutorial I used to make the paper bunting in this photo.)

I’ve been catching up on my still life class assignments/prompts this weekend. My art truly is therapy for me. It lifts my mood and gets me moving, and refills that special place in my soul that empties when I’m too long away.

Side Light – Organic for Be Still – 52

Just like I need hope, I need my art. It reminds me that there is purpose beyond the get up, go to work, pay the bills, clean the house, do the laundry, buy the groceries, rinse, repeat.

Chippy, new to me table for my own little still life studio space

 

Oh, by the way, yesterday I was blessed to find the perfect table for the corner in my office that I’ve set aside as my still life studio. Both photos above were taken there…so exciting!

So I’m celebrating my new little studio space and this God-given gift of my art today. May your day be filled with blessing and celebration too.

Grace,
brenda


I’m linking up today with Sunday Sundries by the fabulous Barb at Keeping with the Times.com

 

Stages

A week after Valentine’s day I came home from work to find my beautiful gift roses all fallen and wilted.

I’d let the water dry up.

I quickly snipped their stems and gave them water again, hoping they’d revive, to no avail.

Except for one.

My counselor and I have been talking about things I need to spend some time mourning. Consequently, I’ve been thinking about the stages of grief lately. Seeing my roses variously wilted spoke to me of those stages, with the single bloom defiantly, expectantly…hopefully…facing upward. So as the metaphor emerged, I turned the flower toward the light…it’s only true source of hope.

Grace,
brenda

One by One

Teardrop petals fall one by one…

I enjoyed making this photo yesterday…the styling, the shooting, the editing. Today though a metaphor emerged, coming from a sadness I didn’t know was there. It’s a sadness at injustice and evil, at the Message Signed with Blood to the Nation of the Cross, at events a world away which suddenly became very personal. After all, I claim the name of Christ so I too am of the nation of the cross.

Other voices have spoken much more eloquently than I ever could, but I too must speak.

I will speak of 21.
21 whose crime was faith, whose sentence was a gruesome death.
21 fallen, one by one.
21 walked to the beach by their captors, 21 forced to kneel in the sand.
21 with time to consider their families, friends, spouses, children, before the end.
And what of those 21 families…what anguish must they feel?

Why does God let this happen?!!

He answers with His own Message Signed with Blood to the nations of the world…the blood of Jesus, drops spilled one by one to save and restore.

 “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.” (John 3:16-18, The Message)

“God sacrificed Jesus on the altar of the world to clear that world of sin. Having faith in him sets us in the clear. God decided on this course of action in full view of the public—to set the world in the clear with himself through the sacrifice of Jesus, finally taking care of the sins he had so patiently endured. This is not only clear, but it’s now—this is current history! God sets things right.” (Romans 3:25-26, The Message)

And what is God’s message to the 21…to their families?  He says, “I will set things right.” In the end evil will be vanquished, and these 21 overcomers will be avenged.

Come quickly Lord Jesus.

brenda

 

Still Beautiful in the Light

Dried and worn, brittle and torn…still beautiful in the light.

As I styled this vignette, I had no idea it would become a metaphor. I simply had an assignment prompt from my still life instructor, Kim Klassen…top-down floral, shallow depth of field. I made my prop choices and set to work making my photos as the sunrise came through the window.

No, the metaphor would come later. As I edited the shoot, choosing a dark and moody theme, bringing some of the detail back into the spent blossoms, I was struck by how how fragile and broken they were…just like me as I struggle with depression. Yet, even though their former beauty was gone, there was a beauty that remained.

Just like me?

It feels really awkward to refer to myself as beautiful, so bear with me. This place is difficult at best, and terribly dark at worst, and yes, I am in counseling. Sometimes I really do feel spent and brittle, with very little to give to others. Service is my beauty…without it I feel unlovely.

But my little roses tell me otherwise. Jesus is my light, and in His light is my beauty. The little I can give now is just as beautiful as the much I used to be able to give.

Even if I’m dried and worn, brittle and torn, I’m still beautiful in His light.

Grace,
brenda